is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
