no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
