Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
