Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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