wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
