So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
