I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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