you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
