we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
