I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize