genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
