I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
