I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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