I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
