there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
whose ass print is on the piano?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You ruined the universe
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
