Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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