Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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