I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
