Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
