Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
