I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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