i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
