i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
