did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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