how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
