Midget sex pt 2 tonight
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
