i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
