I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
