god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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