just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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