Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
