It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
