We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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