seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
he's gonorrhea incarnate
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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