we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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