that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
it's like heaven, but drunker
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
