We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
