My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
