Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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