I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
