We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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