I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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