I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
