She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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