Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
