ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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