I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
