Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
