Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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