just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
