I swear she didn't look like that last week.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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