I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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