i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
