No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
