Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
