is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I know her cup size but not her name....
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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