I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
dude i'm inner monologue high
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
