the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
