Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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