Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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