party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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