apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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