Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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