All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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