Apparently you make a good broom.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
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