it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Found your dick twin last night
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
