I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
