I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
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