someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
