Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
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