I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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